Numbers Never Lie (Trigger)

Well just fuck me for this. I wrote it the other night during the show when I was trying to deal with making the choice to recover. Its how I feel and how I always feel and its real life I've done all these things and i've said them and thought them and I just kind of am very not so great but at the same time really good which is why i'm crazy i think.

Tears burn the soft skin of her cheeks
The numbers dance and taunt
Failure in trying to fight
Can't lose the control
The need to be pure
Graceful
Perfect
The slender lines of hones
Clear taut skin
Veins slowly pulsing visible to all
Hollow eyes
Brittle hair
Arms like perfect twigs
Thighs of skin and bone
Breakable
Needing to be protected
Gorgeous
Everyone will talk
They will be jealous
Disgusted
Scared
To far gone to be saved
They will love me
Finally good enough
Meeting expectations
Each number that drops
Each tear shed
Counting the days
Day one- steak, veggies, ice cream
Day two- rice, cookies, fruits, soda
Day three- cereal, sandwich, water
Day four- sandwich, soda
Day five- soda
Day six- water
Day seven- water
Day eight-water, gum
Day nine- water, tic tac
Day ten- ice cream, pizza, cookies, candy, chicken, steakm cereal, cutting, purging
Day eleven- soda
Day twelve- tic tac
Day thirteen- pizza, soda, purge
Day fourteen- water, tears
Look at the pictures
An old self
The fat hung in layers
A disgusting costume
Follow the rules
Keep the control
Work out
Run ragged
Never sleep
Cling to the knife
Ignore the growling
No problem
Do not have a problem
Its not a choice
Its not a choice
Its not a choice
Its not a choice
Its not a choice
Its not a choice
Its not a choice
Its not a choice
Its not a choice
Its who I am
Its who I am
Its who I am
Its all I am
All I can ever be
I am this
I am this
This is my life
The shattered mirror
The always truthful numbers
Numbers never lie
People lie
Oh how far I've fallen
Fallen up
Gained and gained
Flesh hangs like coal lumps
Lumpy
Squishy
Jiggling
Disgusting pig
Gum is your love
Water is your soul mate
Don't give into temptation
You'll hate yourself in the end