TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER BE WARNED

I remember the first time
I saw her
She didn't mean to be seen
Blond hair
Perfectly styled
(but very brittle)
Blue eyes
Perfect make up
(but a blank stare)
Flawless skin
Perfect pink cheeks
(but everything else so pale)
Perfect body
Bold collarbones
Protruding hip bones
I could count her ribs
Her spine
Tiny Thighs
She took her fingers out of her mouth
Look at me through the open door
She stood up
Brushed back her hair
Flushed the toilet
Washed her hands
Walked away
I saw the X on her wrist
I saw the tiger strips
She made no attempt to hide them
I thought I would never see her again
I was wrong
I see her everyday now
I fix my hair
I wear V neck long sleeve shirts
Taunt skin over bone
I cover new razor marks
I carve it everywhere
"Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat"
I bend forward
Fingers in throat
One, two, three
Screw you salad
A quick flush
She looked at me
Tears running down her cheeks
Who are you?
She shakes and trembles
Can't believe I'm doing this
*How can I do this to myself?*
~I just want to be beautiful I tell her.
Perfect
Fragile
Loved
Admired
Wanted
A feather light angel
That's all I want~
*Its not worth it she says*
~I know its not~
*Then stop*
~I can't~
*You can*
~I don't want to~
*Idiot*
~I know~
I smash the bathroom mirror
and walk away again